I was recently afforded the opportunity to go on a retreat held by the Mindfulness Outreach Initiative based in Omaha and led by Dharma Teacher, Johnathan Woodside, here is what I experienced.

I know that people in the midwest are nice, but when I am fortunate enough to experience it I am reminded in the goodness of people, and it warms the soul. En route to the retreat my plane was delayed in Chicago (you got to love O’Hare Airport) about five hours due to a faulty flap that seals in all the goodies stored in the sewage tank. I felt impatience, frustration, and tension in my body and was reminded from some wise teachers about my attachment to time (what was my rush anyway?) and the importance of practice in each moment, as practicing patience is always a wise choice. I also observed that the people on my flight were much more patient than I would have thought they would be, kind, and to be honest we were all grateful that we were not stuck on a plane spewing sewage about the cabin! Although delayed we arrived safely and were appreciative of the flight crew’s service.

Arriving in Lincoln I was met by Maya, my good friend and colleague Drew’s daughter who weathered the delay with me patiently from afar. Drew Buss is a great psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher who runs his private practice “Into Balance” in Lincoln and he had invited me to this retreat smack dab in the middle of the country. Drew is a wise soul whom I met nearly 4 years ago when we began learning how to teach Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction with Susan Woods, Char Wilkins, and Allan Goldstein from the University of California at San Diego’s Center for Mindfulness. We went out to dinner that night with his lovely wife Deepa, complete with more generous Nebraskan hospitality and prepared for our silent retreat the following afternoon. The next day I was also treated to a Runza, a fast food staple out there that is a type of meat, onion, and cabbage pastry that was both rustic and delicious. One of the best parts of traveling is trying the local food and I was delighted to partake in some Nebraskan culture. After our meal we embarked on our journey to the wonderfully scenic St. Benedict Retreat Center in Schuyler, NE.

We met several other participants when we arrived who were very friendly and offered fellowship with one another. Everyone here for personal reasons of some kind looking for peace, calm, growth, awakening, and anything else one might imagine. My own reasons being to rejuvenate, find a sense of renewal and focus in personal and professional development as a human, student, and mindfulness teacher. There is a depth of practice that can only be found in retreats regarding intensive practice that I hoped to get to, although I needed to be careful with striving for an expected outcome, but my aspiration was wholesome nonetheless.

Later that night we had our welcome and discussion of walking and sitting practice, recited the incantations for Sila (Moral Conduct) and our Noble Silence began. As happens in these types of retreats we awaken early and then practice late at night, so the days and hours sitting are long, but I can still hear the teacher saying “take it easy” and not to fear offering ourselves compassion to adjust and take care of ourselves and our bodies, which I took advantage of. It was funny how fear, judgment, and our perceptions of ourselves creeps up even at a mindfulness retreat.

The St. Benedict Retreat Center is picturesque and ideal for any retreat so the conditions were quite nice even in the cold Nebraskan climate. There was a warm effervescence flowing from the group that brought things together. The Dharma Talks were familiar regarding the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path and yet refreshing from Johnathan Woodside, and he was clearly knowledgeable and enthusiastic in his teaching style. The combination of everything leading to a rewarding retreat experience.

There is a grassroots mindfulness movement growing in middle America. Traveling from the coast here in Baltimore it was a pleasure to experience and soak in. Breaking silence we were treated to expressions of connection in our common humanity, friendship, recognition of our differences and above all gratitude for the time spent together in silence on our individual and collective journey in this lifetime, entering as a stranger and leaving as friends.

It is that time of year when we all proclaim our New Year resolutions to get healthy, lose weight, stop eating sweets, go Keto or on Whole30, exercise more, yogify yourself and buy a gym membership that we will never use, but at least we will feel like we did something, am I right? Some are more dedicated than others and have greater or lesser willpower and discipline, but perhaps trying a new and more mindful approach this year may yield some new positive results.

Realize each moment is a new beginning. One of the most powerful concepts of mindfulness is the realization that each moment is a new moment and therefore a new beginning. Whether your awakening and path for self-improvement begins in the New Year or at any other time. The past is the past, and the only moment you have to do anything or change anything is now, in this present moment. One of the easiest ways to come into presence is with the noticing of the next incoming and outgoing breath, paying attention to the sensations, natural rhythm, and cycle of the breath.

1. Be happy with the present. First, bring an open awareness to where you are now. Be honest with yourself. What aspects of your life are going well? What might you like to improve? What might you like to build or create? Is there someone you would like to connect or strengthen your relationships with? What other areas might need some compassionate attention, this could be with your intimate relationships, family, career, financial, or health…etc.

2. Say goodbye to negative feelings or viewpoints. Life is too short. There is no need to criticize or be negative of where you are in any aspect of living but simply to bring an open and nonjudgmental attention to it. Once you have identified an area of performance or aspect of your life you would like to improve you can begin to face it, which is where mindfulness naturally steers us, turning inward and observing our relationship within ourselves and how we relate to the outer world around us.

I am a firm believer in Occam’s Razor and the KISS method, otherwise known as “Keep it simple, stupid.” This was ingrained in me during my time in the Peace Corps in Bangladesh by our no-nonsense medical officer who was retired military. So let’s keep it simple.

4. Set a realistic intention and attainable goal. For example if you goal is to be more healthy, articulate or write that down so you can clarify it with yourself. Is it nutritional in nature, getting more exercise, getting a personal trainer, or being more active and getting outdoors, less wine and takeout, and more whole fruits and vegetables, and productive conversations that foster greater connection with others. Whatever it is defining your intention and making sure it is within your capability.

5. Commit with focus, discipline, and balanced effort. When you harness your mental energy behind a course of action real change can occur. Visualize harnessing the wind with skill on a sailboat. Thoughts lead to behaviors and actions that can take off and create something great. Successful people often talk about dreaming big, or not being afraid to fail even after failing, being told no, or that they can’t achieve something. We all fail, but it is okay. Research says it can take some time to form a habit but by making change part of your routine one day at a time, moment by moment. When you commit to these efforts with courage you may just find when you get out of your own way you can achieve real and lasting change. May you be safe and well this New Year!

‘Tis the season for holiday giving, endless online shopping…and stress as we try and finish up that last project, work to secure that last-minute gift for our secret santa and figure out how we’re going to use that last PTO day, but still manage to get all of your work completed. Sound familiar? Here are a few ways to help manage that stress.

BREATHE.

Sometimes it seems hard to find the time to take a break and just breathe. If this holiday season is causing you anxiety, make sure you take five minutes here and there to relax and breathe. Find a quiet room, give your husband the kids and shut the door and consciously pay attention to the sensations of breath. You will breathe around 22,000 times a day. Pay attention to a few of them and you might just find some peace and calm in those moments. The best part is your breath is always with you. While there are many wonderful apps to help guide you through a simple meditation on the breath you really just need your non-judgmental, kind, and curious attention to your breathing.

A simple way to do this is to choose an anchor to focus your attention on the rhythm and cycles of breath in one of 3 places:

One could be the nostrils of your nose (try sensing the coolness on the in-breath and slight warmth as the breath exhales). You may also try observing and sensing the rising and the falling by placing attention on the chest, or gently placing your awareness on the diaphragm (you can even place your hands on the stomach to feel the rhythm and movement of the breath).

Your breath is with you in crazy long check out lines, traffic jams, parking lots, and even when you are dealing with happy people & irritable people, Ebenezer Scrooge, the Grinch…and so forth.

MINDFUL WALKING.

Walking endlessly in the mall, parking lots, or store aisles. Try taking some time to connect with your feet. Bring a gentle awareness to the effort and anatomy (joints, bones, ligaments, tendons, skin and other connective tissue, or a felt sense of weight, heaviness or lightness) that is activated and felt to Lift, Move, and Place the feet as you walk. You can try this walking from your car to a store, or from the store to your car, walking to the bathroom, or the copier in your office.

Amazingly your feet are with you everywhere you go so at nearly anytime you can connect with the sensations of the lower legs in movement, and be curious about the thoughts, feelings, and stories that enter you awareness in each moment. Remember to greet them all with a kind and nonjudgmental attention, acknowledge whatever arises, and let it go. It can have a profoundly grounding affect and is one of my personal favorite meditations.

For even better results try walking outdoors or in nature. Nature has an amazing way of nourishing us, so look at the sunshine and clouds if it’s available, feel the wind, and soak it all in with all your senses.

SELF-COMPASSION & LOVE.

We give gifts to others and are often generous as well, so during this holiday season try being generous with you. It is not actually selfish. Two simple words with a powerful message. “Be kind,” not only to others but to yourself. Practicing self-compassion, which by definition is meeting difficulty with kindness, can help you be more resilient. Since we are likely to face greater stressors during the holidays learning to be more resilient can only help us get back to where we would like to be.

Self-compassion can be practiced by offering yourself a hug, a pat on the back, or even placing your hands or fist on your heart. In our loving kindness practice we can also offer ourselves some words or a phrase. One I like to use particularly when I am feeling vulnerable or having a moment of weakness is “May I be strong,” or “May I be brave.” Others you may choose are wish yourself happiness, safety, peace, joy… you get the idea. Have fun with this practice and make it relevant to you and your situation… and “May you be well.”

Another form of love you may wish to offer yourself this holiday season is the gift of forgiveness, for yourself or someone else. It takes an exceptionally strong and emotionally wise person to forgive, especially someone whom we might feel could never deserve it, or maybe that person is you. But forgiveness is for you, not for them. When you forgive someone you give yourself the permission and freedom to move on and construct a more positive outcome without the emotional baggage, self-loathing, shame or hate. A few quick quotes for your contemplation:

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge.

-Gerald Jampolsky

Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.

-Robert Frost

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

-Bruce Lee

RECONNECT WITH FRIENDS.

Quite often in our technologically driven world, in the confines of social media, and through our personal digital device we can become distracted, isolated, and disconnected from the people, nature, and the world around us. In our mindfulness classes we ask people to leave their cell phones in their car or kindly turn off their electronic devices. This request is can be difficult for some, even for a couple hours, and inevitably someone forgets.

Some have made the conscious decision to put down the phone for a day, such as “tech free Tuesdays” …etc. So compromise this holiday season and…

Use your amazing google machine or mobile device to reconnect with an old friend or family member and then set aside the device and set down face to face over a coffee or tea. If this is not possible then carve out time to be with a significant other and give yourself the freedom and space to be truly present with one another. See if it is possible to notice the impulse to reach for your device and then allow that impulse to pass and return to the face to face interaction. Be open, and observe what happens when you are truly present.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE.

All too often in our minds we complain, blame others, keep score, pass judgments, and fail to see the beautiful and positive people and things around us. Take the time to give thanks for the people in our lives, for they are there for a reason. Life is a spectrum and can have a humorous and sometimes cruel way of teaching us lessons, and yet there are always lesson to learn.

Remember, the intention behind Christmas and the holiday seasons no matter what tradition or beliefs you have is meant to bring people together, to be unifying rather than divisive. So experiment and be generous, welcoming, open, honest, sincere, warm, loving, and kind.

Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

-Franklin P. Jones

Set the intention to see the good. Acknowledge the goodness in others. Life is imperfect, and so are we, but there is always something to be grateful for if we allow ourselves to see it. Stressors big and small can be reduced when we see how blessed we truly are.

No matter where you are in life or what is happening this holiday season notice and identify what you are grateful for in this moment and this day. Live well!

Gratitude can be defined as the quality of being thankful, appreciative, and mindful of those moments, the people, and blessings in our lives.

Gratitude is a newer addition to the attitudinal foundation of mindfulness practice. And it is a beautiful concept thtat we are capable of giving, feeling, and even accepting gratitude in any moment, and perhaps most useful in our darkest moments. Everyday we get to experience 24 brand new hours, and the freedom to choose how we use those hours, or at least some portion of them.

One of the most potentially beneficial aspects of mindfulness practice is the ability to bring a bare awareness to the thoughts, feelings, and the conditioned and habitual behaviors we engage in daily, this is called metacognition. Within this framework we start to see our “Automatic Pilot” which is part of our brain’s Default Mode Network (DMN), which our minds run on nearly %50 of the time. This is perhaps most often vividly described as when you drive your car and arrive to your destination but have been in your head the whole time and don’t remember the actual act of driving your car.

It is well known that our minds skew toward the negative as part of our survival instinct. Whilst lost in our minds we can find attachment and even comfort in our judgments about people, situations, and events that can take on a life of their own. It is so easy to get lost in the story of our lives. We can push people away we would otherwise want in our lives, or think we are good and they are bad, and so on and so forth, our judgments are often shallow but can run deep.

Now returning back to gratitude and mindfulness. Mindfulness combined with gratitude can allow us to not get caught up in story and see people, events, and our interactions in daily life with non-judgment. To see people as people, who are maybe not too different and even more like ourselves than we would like to admit, perhaps we can even find our common humanity with one another.

While on a hike recently I chose to go on a lesser traveled path in the park. Being in an area recently ravaged by heavy rain and flooding the path was overgrown, filled with brush, pricker bushes, spider webs, and was difficult to pass, especially in the heat and humidity on this day. In my head I said to myself “I took the wrong path.” It was unpleasant, and as I caught myself thinking this I realized I was judging my situation in this manner. Seeing this I was able to see the good. My perception in one moment was one way, but I also had the choice to see this experience in a new light.

As I brushed the sweat off my arms, and the spider webs off my eyeglasses away from my face, and continued to breath shallow in the heat, I turned my attention to the sunshine, and the beautiful butterflies flying around the overgrown path. They existed, whether I noticed them or not. Whether anyone appreciated them or not. Several cardinals and other birds flew around the path as well. Life was abundant and all around me. While walking my head was full of thought patterns, mostly negative about my story, and yet in that present moment there was beauty, a clear sky on a sunny day, and life all around me, and in that moment I became grateful for this day.

For all the sorrow, sadness, and mixed emotions I had been experiencing prior to that realization that was compounded by the heat and humidity had passed and gone away. It was possible to grateful for this moment when I was open to it.