by jim | May 8, 2021 | Uncategorized
The Mind is a superpower, just look at Professor X from Marvel’s the X-Men comic series. His body is broken but his mind is intact. He overcomes his catastrophic injury and is benevolent in his use of his superpower for the good of men and mutants alike. His counterpart Magneto however, scarred from his past trauma and seeing the world from a lens of fear strikes out in aggression and his behavior is destructive, ultimately being his undoing. Both characters have personal histories of past trauma, catastrophes, and tragedies but their hero journey is divergent. One acts out of love for all beings, and one acts out of fear. One seeks unity, the other division. Both have brilliant minds. The mind is a superpower, and you can develop it in real life as you will see below.
Mindfulness can help. Mindfulness means paying attention in the present moment, on purpose, and without judgment. Bringing awareness to your life and becoming awake. If you are willing this requires serious self-observation to everything in you and everything and everyone around you with a detached and keen observation, as if it was happening to someone else. One metaphor I often use to imagine observing your life sitting in a movie theater while observing your life play out on the screen. You need to divorce your ego from the observation so you can see with clarity. This takes mental effort and concentration. It needs to be perfectly impersonal. What you judge you cannot understand. Being mindful means being nonjudgmental. How do you do this you may ask?
The mind has up to 70,000 thoughts per day. Yes, you read that correctly. Thoughts are energy. Emotions are energy. Everything is energy. The quality of your thoughts impacts not only your mental health but your physical health as well. The mind wanders about half of the time and when it does so the thoughts tend to skew negative, i.e. worry, anxiety, depressive thinking, catastrophic thinking, waiting for the other shoe to drop, etc. Mindfulness and self-observation can help you start to pay attention to what is happening in your mind. This is called metacognition. Many people think they are self-aware but they are not. I once had a client meditate for the first time and I had him attempt to count his thoughts. After a few minutes he said he had zero thoughts, no thinking happened. I laughed surprised, this was a great discovery. When I explained the voice in our heads that is constantly chattering he said he didn’t realize that was thinking, but it is. What is that voice saying in your head? Add to the fact that we are slammed with information, notifications, and social media around the clock and the mind is quite busy, too busy.
Our minds our saturated with distractions of all kinds daily and we let it happen by having our personal smart phones on our possession wherever we go. Be mindful of your social media habits, news, and media intake, these are not designed to make you feel warm and fuzzy, but rather stressed and anxious and can easily put you in a stress reactivity cycle and fight or flight. Children are anxious and depressed at sky high levels with the advent of smart phones and social media. I had one client who said he couldn’t get any work done because he would get sucked into watching YouTube videos that play one after the other and hours would go by. These applications are designed by very intelligent neuroscientists to capture your attention. This topic was well covered in a documentary on Netflix in 2020 called The Social Dilemma, that featured Googles former design ethicist, Tristan Harris. I am not denouncing these technologies but want people to be aware of their habits that are in support of a healthy lifestyle, or not, and how they may change them.
People nowadays have access to meditation apps and of course the internet is ubiquitous, but meditation can be helpful. We use the Mountain or Lake Meditation to bring awareness to the mind to help find clarity in our Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Course (an online version is on my website). However, silence is the greatest teacher. Words pollute the silence. Your wisdom and insight are found in silence. When you have detached yourself from outside stimuli and are looking inward in silence you will make great discoveries. Over the years teaching stress classes many people fear silence. the unexamined life is not worth living according to Socrates, and I agree. It is okay if you don’t, not everyone is ready for the challenge. It takes courage and warrior spirit to examine your mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and beliefs and judgments about yourself and others and challenge them. Yes, you must challenge these things if you wish to grow.
Experiment: Create an intention to sit in meditation in silence. Sit in a straight and relaxed posture. Light a candle in a darkened room a foot or so away from you and peer into the flame. After a few minutes close your eyes to where you see the flame inside your head. You are now observing inside yourself and utilizing your third eye. Sit in silence, free from distractions, away from a clock, or mobile device and practice self-observation. Allow the silence to inform you of the thought process of your mind. Do this for twenty to thirty minutes. Then hand write what you observed on paper or in your journal. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to meditate and there is no goal, not predetermined outcome or insight. What you observe is unique to you. Your insights and your wisdom are for you.
When I first went to a ten-day Vipassana retreat the first two days were miserable. I was in pain from sitting in meditation for two hours at a time starting at 4:30 AM. I was used to pain or so I thought but after seeing a few other men leave I thought (in my mind) that this was too much. I had bitten off more that I could chew. What was I thinking? I had left my ex-wife at home with two young children while I went on a journey to find truth, and it was hard and painful. I wanted to quit. I made an appointment to talk with the teacher and he listened compassionately. He had wisdom. I was in distress, he could tell. I said I was in pain, this was too hard, and I needed to leave. Excuses are lies by the way.
The teacher asked me… “Why did you come here?”
Me: “I wanted to find something new to ease my suffering and find answers, …peace, and truth.”
Teacher: “I understand…, you may leave anytime, no one is keeping you here, but you know what is out there, why not find out what you have yet to discover here?”
If you recall the movie The Matrix and can picture Morpheus (played by Laurence Fishburne) holding out the two pills to Neo (played by Keanu Reeves) this is what happened to me. When I asked myself the question the answer was: I wanted to find truth, and maybe even enlightenment if I was being honest. My pain was partly physical in my surgically repaired knee and bad back but most of it was psychological as my mind unraveled from all the delusions, judgments, beliefs I had about myself and how I was wronged by others, been disadvantaged in some way, been a victim, been mistreated, and was helpless in changing the direction of my life, all these thoughts floating in my head. That is hard to write.
This purification process of the mind was painful, the teacher knew what I was going through and he knew if I could break through that mental wall then I would be fine. As I reflect on that moment, I wanted to quit so bad, and if I had my life would look very different than it does now.
I share that story because it was in the silence of meditation, when I really started to bring awareness and observe my mind that I was faced with all my bullshit that I had been attached to and selling myself. There was wisdom in that silence. I realized that my anger, that I had been carrying for years (and still some to this day) was from my self-defeating core beliefs that I was not worthy of love, not worthy in general, not capable of being successful in life, and was doomed to a life of suffering.
My insight was that this was coming from me, my own inner critic (the voice in your head that puts you down), who was weighing me down with negativity. It was not conscious. The self- observation must be profound, much deeper than surface level. Most of you reading this will not be willing to do this, but if you do, you will be rewarded. If your intention is to seek truth in finding alignment with your mind it can be achieved. No one is harder on yourself than you, but you can develop an inner compassionate coach to change the way you talk to yourself. I had to learn to meet my anger and frustration with love.
There was a moment in day three of the retreat when my pain, which was intense, simply vanished. It was there one moment and gone the next. I found peace. My psychological pain, the pain in my head that I was sure I was feeling disappeared. That was quite a Jedi Mind trick. We all can heal ourselves from our pain. My pain was caused by myself, by my own mind. I was angry I was not in a better place, but I was the only one getting in my way. Once I brought awareness to that I could begin to work on it.
I needed to start to take care of myself, understand my mind, shift my beliefs, and be more compassionate to myself and the challenges in my life. The process continues to this day but foundation was beginning to take shape. Optimism, love, and kindness started to fill the void of anger that had been uprooted. Self-care is ongoing, it is a constant process.
Exercise: What challenges are facing you in your life, and in your mind? Write them down. When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change. When you start to identify thinking that is destructive or not healthy re-write the thought in a constructive manner. For example from my retreat. One thought I had is this:
“I should be further along in life, making more money, maybe I am not good enough.”
I could reframe that several ways:
“Even though I am not where I want to be I can use my anger (which is energy) to make the change I want to see. I can learn new skills to find a better job. I am good enough, and I have been through tougher challenges in my life, so why limit myself.”
There are several attitudes from the MBSR program that I believe are fundamental to creating a healthy mindset. One is having an open mind, or beginner’s mind, being patient, trusting yourself- and your gut brain, acceptance, letting go, non-striving, non-judgment, and then being generous and having gratitude- that is being thankful for being alive and counting your blessings.
When you begin to bring a mindful awareness to your mind you can begin to set things in alignment with your truth. Truth is love. Love is the greatest energy. Being kind to yourself and your mind you will begin to bring compassion to your mind, its capability, and superpower, and you will feel that emotion. When you feel that emotion like a weight being lifted off of you or a feeling of lightness you will know that you accomplished something amazing. We all have this potential.
by jim | May 1, 2021 | Uncategorized
There are Four Foundations of Mindfulness practice which we will briefly explore below. If you have made the decision to begin a mindfulness practice it is helpful to learn about some of the dimensions of both informal and formal practice. Practice is essential. I meet many people who want to reduce stress and better their lives but they don’t want to put in the effort. Practicing will help you create greater self awareness of the mind, body, spirit to better understand ourselves and how we relate to people in our lives and the world we live in.
Mindfulness of the Body– beginning by bringing awareness to the breath, linking mind and body together, and calming them, and noticing how bodily sensations arise, linger, and pass away if we let them (referring to the universal law of impermanence). It can be helpful to explore these physical sensations in a detailed but kind and curious manner. For example if you feel anxious before an important examination or game, noticing where in the body you may feel some tension or pressure and describing it. Is it a small baseball sized pit in the stomach, or butterflies that flutter about different areas in the abdomen. Are the sensations intense, mild, or barely noticeable. Do they pulsate or are they static? When you feel joy, love, or happiness do you feel warmth all over the skin, or maybe the heart, or something else? Ask yourself the question of what it is you notice in any moment, for physical sensations sometimes referred to as “felt sense” is one way information is passed through to our consciousness.
Mindfulness of Feelings– not emotions, but rather immediate pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral reactions before emotions and attitudes come into play. This is an immediate reaction that typically takes place, they might be pleasant when your dog greets you happily when you get home from work, or your child or partner gives you a big hug and a warm kiss, you get a raise you weren’t expecting. Or more unpleasant reactions when you hear the sound of your boss’s voice asking about a TPS report, someone cutting you off in traffic, or losing your keys when you are late for a Zoom meeting. Neutral reactions may seem obvious but when you start to pay attention you may start to find that things you didn’t think bothered you do affect you, or perhaps that there is a positive charge to something small that you didn’t think mattered at all, just a thought… The practice is to be open with a Beginner’s Mind to see what is actually taking place rather than what you think.
Mindfulness of Mind– awareness of mind, dispositions, distraction, concentration, or possibly the roots of suffering, hatred, desire, and delusion, noticing how they arise, linger, and pass away. Our mind entertains up to 70,000 thoughts per day. Many of these thoughts occur while our mind wanders and tend to skew negative. As we delve deeper in practice mindfulness will begin to reveal patterns of thinking we maintain in our heads that we start to uncover, or memories, stories we tell ourselves that impact our attitudes, pain, stress, and can hinder our growth and well being. In silence and stillness there is wisdom to be discovered in practice. But you have to practice whether it is formal or informal, for your experience is your best learning tool. Be patient and kind to yourself, it takes time to develop a practice.
Mindfulness of Mind & Objects– bringing awareness of all the mind encounters within and without. Nearly fifty percent of the time our mind wanders. It is not easy to pay attention. We are not being judgmental but bringing awareness to this mental process. Imagine observing the mind as though you are in a movie theater watching a movie, and sitting in your seat watching everything unfold in real time from that vantage point. As mindfulness originates from a contemplative tradition bringing a kind awareness to how we relate to the inner and external world in any moment. For life is a series of moments that continues to unfold with every breath that we are grateful to experience. Hence, as a wise teacher reminded me recently every moment is a moment to practice being mindful.
by jim | Apr 28, 2021 | Uncategorized
Many years ago there was Buddhist temple in Thailand that was being invaded by a neighboring country. The monks feared the statue of the Golden Buddha would be pillaged, and so they covered it with mud and mortar to hide the true value of the statue. The deception worked, but the monks were massacred, and the invading army occupied the village and temple without realizing the nature of the statue that was hiding in plain sight.
Knowledge of the Golden Buddha quickly faded away as the years passed by. Eventually the foreign army left the village and a new round of monks returned to the temple to reignite their sangha (monastic community). One day a young monk was meditating at the base of the muddy and relatively uninteresting statue when a piece of gold fell through a crack in the statue. Curious he ran to get the other monks and after chiseling away for some time they unearthed the forgotten Golden Buddha.
The metaphor of the Golden Buddha is that our enlightenment or ascension towards Christ Consciousness is possible in any moment. We are all Golden Buddhas, the potential is always there. That includes the people you don’t like, believe things you don’t believe, or that live the “wrong” way with the wrong ideas, politics (yes even Democrats, Republicans, and whatever else you want to label), opinions, and attitudes you have.
The young Prince Siddhartha Gautama chose to embark on a spiritual journey after living a life of extreme pleasure and later abandoning his young family. Eventually he found enlightenment after an arduous journey and much suffering. He developed his own path which he shared through the eightfold path, and this is a fundamental concept. When a student learns great wisdom, they desire to share and teach it. When Gautama attained enlightment and Buddha nature he chose to teach others how to attaing it. He did not ask that you believe him through his words but to apply them in your own experience in the present moment of daily life.
Jesus Christ arrived as a very special gift to mankind. He too traveled and shared his wisdom and teaching to others. He loved everyone whether they loved him or not. He even forgave those who crucified him. His love for those that desired to kill him outweighed their fear of losing power and doubt. Forgiveness is strength, and maybe even the highest form of love, which for some reason some people confuse as weakness.
In my blog about clearing karma, I mentioned that one method is to see the love and the divinity in all others. We all have lessons to learn in life, and we are all on our own unique spiritual path. If we all treated others like we desired to be treated… ah the Golden Rule. As psychologist and spiritual teacher Ram Dass famously stated… “We’re all just walking each other home.” We are all Golden Buddhas dancing on this planet and capable of loving like Jesus if we get out of our own way and let go of fear, negative thinking, and judgment. We can operate from a foundation of either fear or love, we get to choose. Choose wisely.
by jim | Apr 12, 2021 | Uncategorized
We were created with thought. Thoughts are energy. Emotions are energy. Everything is energy. That means that what you think, feel, perceive, judge, and the quality of your thoughts, matter a great deal as to how your life unfolds moment by moment.
I once heard a quote from Denzel Washington that “if you are only looking for red cars you will see red cars.” This is very wise. I see this often with my clients and have experienced this in my own life. If you believe that you are not good enough you will probably fall short every time. You become conditioned to that belief, attached to it if you will. You may then judge yourself to be inferior or inadequate and a swell of negative emotions can seep into your consciousness and subconsciousness to the point you are probably not even be aware of it. This then becomes a stress reactivity cycle and your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors become conditioned, and you get “stuck” in the broken record and every time you try to get out of it you find some experience that reinforces your belief that you are a victim, the world is not fair, people are jerks, and there is nothing you can do about it. This is where anxiety and depression can manifest and become greater obstacles on your path as you continue to feed them.
In my own spiritual journey, psychological work, and inner child regression eventually, after confronting my self-defeating core beliefs, I arrived at my truth that… “I AM LOVED.”
The process of seeking truth and doing inner child work was not easy or comfortable but the result was terribly wonderful. All my life I had the ability to love others unconditionally. I practiced mindfulness and nonjudgment to others but in reality, I judged myself harshly. I didn’t love myself, not really anyway. I would have told you I did and believed it superficially, but I was too busy trying to help and support others and make them happy and thus my health and wellbeing was lost in the shuffle. I told myself that I was strong and could take it and became a martyr in my own mind, and I chose to suffer in silence because deep down I thought I deserved it. I was really good at making myself feel miserable and putting myself down. My view and actions towards others was inspiring and optimistic but my thoughts about myself and my place in this world were anxious, depressing, and brought in more negative thoughts and emotions reinforced by my own inner critic. The weight of this negativity became palpable both physically and mentally. I did myself no favors.
When I started meditating and went on a Vipassana Retreat I started to become aware of my stress, my thoughts, and the emotions I was carrying. I began to see for the first time how profoundly angry I was at my position in life and how much it was influencing my daily habits and relationships with others, including my relationship with myself, which brings to mind the story of the two wolves:
***
The Two Wolves
A Native American elder was teaching his young grandson about life.
“I have a fight going on inside me,” the old man said to the young boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt and ego.
The other good- he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
The same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”
The child took a moment to reflect on this. At last, he looked up at his grandfather and asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee gave a simple reply. “The one you feed.”
***
We can all relate to this story on some level. What I’ve learned through my own work in mindfulness meditation and other meditative, yogic techniques, and regression therapy is that we are often the only one standing in our path. We are the obstacle. Once I realized that my own thoughts and feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, and anger- that I was solely responsible for were of no service to myself or anyone in my life and that I could let that go, because eventually I learned that “I AM LOVED.”
Remember that the obstacle becomes the path. I was the obstacle, so I had to work on myself in order to find my freedom, peace, and love. Don’t make the mistake of looking outside yourself for happiness. No person or treasure will complete you or make you happy, it comes from within. By learning to counter my inner critic with a kind and loving inner compassionate coach I could start to build myself up and mold my intentions, thoughts, and actions with greater awareness, self-realization, and determination.
One practice tip on how to talk to yourself is to imagine what you might say to your best friend who is going through a difficult time. It is probably different than how you talk to yourself. Start talking to yourself with a positive tone using those uplifting words, love, and encouragement towards yourself. Be honest with yourself but build yourself up. Love yourself.
***
Exercise: use this affirmation while in prayer, meditation, or in an auto-suggestive state of contemplation or journaling. State the affirmation several times aloud, confidently, and with clear intention. Your word is a cosmic vibration and sets the stage for your success. After you have stated the affirmation aloud several times you may say it softly and then say it mentally. Write it down. You can be creative and make your own affirmation to suit yourself and present situation.
“I AM LOVED.”
“I AM WORTHY.”
“I AM CAPABLE.”
***
When you have soaked the affirmation into the roots of your mind and felt emotion while doing so you will have felt a shift or lightness. Repeat the exercise as often as is needed. You may even choose to do what I do sometimes and listen to Foreigner’s “I want to know what love is.” Music is energy.
When you love yourself, you will see yourself in a different light. Love is truth. Love is light. With greater awareness your thoughts and emotions will start to align effortlessly to loving yourself, loving others, and touching more positive thinking and emotions. Believe in the miracle of possibilities.
by jim | Apr 5, 2021 | Uncategorized
We all want to experience bliss, joy, and happiness while avoiding pain and needless suffering in our lives. We suffer to learn the broad range and totality of being human until we ultimately find the meaning of life, which is to love- it is our teacher. The first half of our lives is spent burning off karma, learning lessons, and the second part is to grow spiritually and eventually when we are ready is to discover the path of our spiritual awakening. Below I will share and comment on four exercises that can help accelerate burning off negative karma according to the channeled text, The Law of One: Book One, (10.4) by Ra, an humble messenger of the Law of One:
Exercise One. This is the most nearly centered and useable within your illusion complex. The moment contains love. That is the lesson/goal of this illusion or density. The exercise is to consciously see that love in awareness and understanding distortions. The first attempt is the cornerstone. Upon this choosing rests the remainder of the life experience of an entity. The second seeking of love within the moment begins the addition. The third seeking empowers the second, the fourth powering or doubling the third. As with the previous type of empowerment, there will some loss of power due to flaws within the seeking in the distortion of insincerity. However, the conscious statement of self to self of the desire to seek love is so central an act of will that, as before, the loss of power due to this friction is inconsequential.
Exercise Two. This universe is one being. When a mind/body/spirit complex views another mind/body/spirit complex, see the Creator.
Exercise Three. Gaze within the mirror. See the Creator.
Exercise Four. Gaze at the creation which lies about the mind/body/spirit complex of each entity. See the Creator.
The foundation or prerequisite of these exercises is a predilection towards what may be called meditation, contemplation, or prayer. With this attitude, these exercises can be processed. Without it, the data will not sink down into the roots of the tree of mind, thus enabling and ennobling the body and touching the spirit.
Intention to seek love in the present moment through the distortions (maya, Sanskrit for illusion). Choosing loving awareness can only be accomplished through Free Will. Mindfulness is way of being in the present moment, purposefully, so by being loving in the present is a beautiful and will sow rewards. When you choose love, negative thoughts and emotions fall away without effort just as a river flows naturally to the source.
***
“The total number of minds in the universe is one. In fact, consciousness is a singularity phasing within all beings.”
-Erwin Schrodinger
***
The Universe is One Being. See others as God in the Flesh. “The Creator” is in you as well as others, even those whom you despise, loathe, hate, judge, hurt you or others you love and care about, make fun of you, throw stones, or make life just pain difficult and vice versa. God created them with love too. God, Brahma, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, the Intelligent Infinity, the Universal Creator (or use your preferred concept of a higher power) resides in everyone. If you can see the spark of the cosmic flame in someone you fear or judge, then you will make tremendous progress letting go of negative karma. Imagine you had strength and courage to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you? Imagine you have the strength and courage to forgive yourself. This is powerful stuff. Forgiveness is a form of love. Be kind and love yourself. By realizing negative thoughts, emotions, and embracing love you will start to raise your vibration, feel lighter, more free, and raise your awareness more towards what might be referred to as cosmic, Christ, or Buddha consciousness. The friction with the distortion of insincerity I believe refers to frustration or resentment that can arise when you try to love someone that doesn’t care, it isn’t received, or doesn’t love themselves.
As for the third exercise as noted above, you are made of the substance of God, a spark of the fire of spirit, and atom of the cosmic flame, and a cell of the vast universal body of the creator according to Paramahansa Yogananda. This is Dharma or universal truth. Be curious, look into your own eyes, peer into your soul and wonder at the beautiful creation you are. Honor and cherish your divinity. Be kind and loving to yourself, forgive yourself if you need to, and free yourself from the bondages of karma and embrace the miracle of your being. Love and compassion must include you to be complete and whole.
The fourth exercise to my mind is to see God in all things. This can be accomplished through prayer, contemplation, and meditation to sink in and be absolutely absorbed by the mind. If God created everything then everything is a part of God, be ever mindful of this concept. Imagine seeing God in all things- a simple thought but I think challenging to perceive.
God is love. God is truth. God is light. Everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences. This takes many lifetimes to learn. There is a natural polarity that exists in the world and in ourselves as well. We are all aspects of good and bad in some sense. The greater balance that exists in our minds, body, and spirit, the more power and energy we must overcome obstacles, things tend to flow without effort. We were created with a thought, and so our thoughts have the power to create. Loving thoughts will manifest love, and likewise fear and negative thinking will create correspondingly. The best way I can think of is imagining the voice of Sir Richard Attenborough in a nature documentary describing the vast beauty and awe of this planet, the nature, and the beautiful creatures that exist, life.
We all have the power to create beauty in this world. What are you willing to try? The world needs more love now then ever.
by jim | Mar 6, 2021 | Uncategorized
Fear is often defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the perception of a real or imagined danger. The natural effects of fear can range from mild emotional distress to debilitating physical trauma. Our ability to address new and existing fear is a skillset that requires awareness and support. Without this ability, fear can thrive, wreaking havoc on your mind and body, while imprisoning your soul and preventing you from experiencing life in its true perspective.
Throughout the current Coronavirus pandemic, individuals have been required to respond to both physical and psychological threats, which were often veiled within conflicting messages about personal safety and social responsibility. Many of the response options have revolved around our personal judgments and ability to overcome our fears. Whether quarantines, social distancing, avoiding family or friends, education choices, government support, and trust in the medical industry, this year we have all experienced fear and it’s paralyzing effects.
While walking on a trail recently in Old Ellicott City, a middle-aged woman yelled at me when she noticed that my mask was resting just below my nose. It did not matter to her that I was more than the obligatory 6ft. away and following posted guidelines in the park, in that moment I was a physical representation of death, she feared me, I was a sabretooth tiger in her mind. Juxtapose that with another hike in the Patapsco Valley park where I was fully masked. A mountain biker laughed at me, saying, “Hope the trees don’t give you the virus, haha!” for wearing a mask in the woods. I laughed too, it was funny, and wished him well, but I was motivated by my own fear of being yelled at by another “Karen.” We never please everyone, don’t try.
Recognition of fear can be healthy, and even lifesaving, when approached with a balanced mindset. To recognize fear, one must acknowledge its existence to cultivate awareness of how we react so we can better respond to this unpleasant emotion. Fear produces emotional, cognitive, and physiological reactions. Fear and excitement feel the same in the body. We can learn to identify and use these signals (physical sensations) to shift towards a more functional and creative mindset.
Not too long ago a client in my clinical practice was faced with the prospect of his employment contract expiring. When I asked him what he would do if that scenario happened, he became angry at me as to why I (as a therapist) would “put that idea in my [his] head.” He was denying that it was a possible outcome and wanted to avoid the fear, pain, and unpleasantness. The contract was not renewed and the fear, worry, and emotional pain came anyway. He did what many do, his belief was that if he did not think of the negative outcome it would not come true. Live and learn, right? I have done it, have you? No judgment is a skill to cultivate.
Contrast that with a more resilient client who when confronted with a similar prospect faced his situation with a more calm, wise, and creative mind. He reached out to his network immediately and identified several potential landing spots for his services. He was able to embrace the possible change and work with uncertainty. Remember that both change & pain are inevitable, but suffering is optional. Had the first client prepared for the possibility of change earlier, then losing the job would have been less painful, for he would have prepared for that potentiality. His fear was valid. The second client did not lose his job and is continuing to thrive but is now more confident in the knowledge that options exist should things change, as they probably will.
***
The Bangladesh Ferry Incident
When I was in Peace Corps Bangladesh, I lived in a village called Gopalganj, several hours south of Dhaka. To travel anywhere I had to cross the Padma (Ganges in India) river by ferry. Crossing a river by ferry is common and can be rife with danger. Try googling bagladesh ferry boats.
The process was this; take a passenger bus to the river, disembark, get on a small passenger ferry, and then cross the river while a second bus on the other side would continue the journey. On this occasion while crossing, a sudden, fast-moving, and fierce thunderstorm came upon us, causing the shallow draft boat to rock from side to side to the point I had to hold on to keep from falling off. If you can visualize the Viking ship from an amusement park going side to side versus front to back, not pleasant at all. At points during the pendulum motion, I was staring face to face with the fast-moving current. I quickly realized this was where my life would end, and if you have ever felt this or can relate… time stood still.
In that moment of stillness, a lifetime passed my conscious awareness. Some might say my life flashed before my eyes. I thought about my loving parents and family, and how terribly sad they would be, and how they would wonder what they could have done to prevent this tragedy. I didn’t see anyway out of this so I wanted to communicate to them that I loved them and to let them know I would be okay, I KNEW that somehow. A knowing beyond knowing.
I then remember smiling and being grateful for the life I had. I could not complain. I had wanted adventure traveling the world and I had found it. I also remember being in awe that the story of this life was coming to an end, we always wonder but never really know how or when our point of departure may occur, but this was the moment, and I found a tremendous peace in that.
I tried unsuccessfully to smoke a cigarette in the rain to calm my nerves a little and prepared to jump. One thing we were taught is that if the ferry vessel goes down it will suck you down if you don’t get far enough away. There were several other men standing around the back of the ferry with me smoking and nervously chewing betel nut. Inside the cabin of the small ferry were mostly women and children crying hysterically and wailing out loud and praying to “Allah” to save them from certain death. The atmosphere was charged with energy of the collective nightmare taking place. The ferry was overloaded of course with at least 150 people, maybe more, all believing that death was shortly upon us.
I curiously investigated the river as the boat rocked back and forth and was waiting for the precise moment to jump. I knew that jumping into the water meant death but there was at least a chance. My muscles began to tense. I was a decent swimmer, but the current was incredibly intense, especially with the winds of the storm. Michael Phelps would not have had a chance, but what the hell, I had nothing to lose. As I worked up the courage in my mind to make the leap a moment happened that changed my life forever.
I heard the words “DON’T JUMP!” vividly vibrate through my entire body.
It shook my soul and I stood there frozen. In that moment I heard God, the Creator, Jesus, Allah, Krishna, my guardian angel- call it whatever you want. I knew crystal clear, without a shadow of any doubt…that God or some angelic spirit had just spoke to me directly. I knew in that moment that the boat would make it to shore, which made absolutely no sense. This rickety overcrowded ferry in an already dangerous river in a storm with a shallow draft making a successful crossing defied my logical brain. My soul, or intuition knew we would live.
One of the old ferry men who had a weathered face with a white beard looked into my eyes just then and said “okay,” meaning we would make it. It made no sense to me at all, but his eyes looked calm amidst the storm, wailing, and crying of the women and children, and I was surely not alone in my catastrophic thinking. There was a lot of praying and negotiating going on with God in those moments. My brain knew instinctually that we should be dead at any moment, I hoped it would be quick… and yet my heart and soul knew that we would survive. My death was not happening today. I remembered the story of St. Paul and mused “I guess that is how that works.”
When the boat got closer to the shoreline I did not wait to disembark, I just jumped off the boat onto the muddy riverbank. I tried to climb up in the intense rain but kept sliding back down toward the water. I was covered in mud from head to toe, I looked ridiculous. Eventually I was able to claw my way up to the top. It was raining so intensely that all the mud just washed away as quickly as it appeared.
I was the only bideshi (foreigner) in the area, all alone, no one to share the story with. The bus conductor came up to me and apologized for leading such a hazardous journey on the Palash Bus Company of Gopalganj. I assured him that I had no complaints about him or the company. He was on the ferry with too, and I know he felt the same fear I did. I was just relieved to have dodged a bullet Matrix style on that trip. For the record I love the Palash Bus Company, and Gopalganj.
In one of the scariest moments of my life God revealed himself. Some people ask for signs. I did not on this occasion, but I did express gratitude to God for the life I had. I admit I was fortunate to have the experience, which is why I share it now. It is just impossible to doubt something like that when it happens to you. I do remember questioning myself- “Did that just really happen?” … “How in the hell did we just survive that?.” I spent a lot of time in my journal and in thought contemplating that event and my conclusion is that I had a purpose, it was not my time, and even though I did not know everything, I had lessons to learn.
We ALL have a purpose and lessons to learn. You do not need to believe in God, go to a specific church, or have the right faith. God made all of us in his image, we all come from the same source.
Years later having survived various challenges in life and now a pandemic I can honestly say that I am not afraid of death. My body will return to dust, but my soul and conscious awareness will continue to exist. It just is.
I share this story to hopefully inspire others in some small way. If you are still reading there was a reason, for there are no coincidences in life. Often in psychology we (professionals) fear talking about death and spirituality as some fringe aspect of life and the unknown but as a clinical therapist and more importantly a student of life, I have learned that many people have stories like mine but are afraid to share them even with loved ones for fear of being mocked and ridiculed.
I have heard far too many stories. However, science is increasingly studying the phenomenon of Near-Death Experiences, or NDE’s, and the research is beyond compelling. When we speak of mindfulness and conscious awareness, where does it begin and end? Perhaps the future and past are all wrapped up in this present moment.
Some people believe that all anxiety can be whittled down to a fear of death. If you are not afraid of death then you can begin to understand there is nothing to worry about. The happiest country in the world meditates on death five times per day in the tiny Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan. Think about that. When you are not afraid of death, you focus your time on living in the present, learning new things, spending time with family and friends. Mindfulness can help minimize distractions and prioritize paying attention in the present moment to meet fear and difficulty with kindness, love, and compassion.
Remember that the real meditation is the moment that you are living in right now, it is life. Do not be afraid to live, take risks, and fail. As my mentor Dr. Wendy Hill says, “from the ashes of your despair arises the Phoenix of your truth and joy.”
